|We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands Tonight.
||[Jun. 1st, 2007|05:23 pm]
Dunder-Mifflin Scranton (An Office RP)
Karen walked back to her desk after placing the note on Pam's computer screen. She looked at the clock -- it said 11:45 A.M. - almost time for lunch. She wanted to tell Jim everything, she wanted to tell him how sorry she was for everything -- for not telling him most of it. They were dating for so long that she didn't want him to feel like he had to always be there for her. She was tired, her muscles ached - the new medicine made her nauseas. She hated being on it, that's why she stopped taking it.
She looks around the Office, everyone looks dead. Jim and Pam look like the living dead; she thought she probably looked like a monster. She went to the bathroom and checked herself in the mirror. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was frizzy. She didn't have time to straighten it or time to put any product in it. She turned the sink on and splashed her face with cold water, that made her feel better.
She suddenly wanted a cigarette -- she hadn't smoked for three years.
With the sudden urge for a cigarette subsiding she glances over at Jim, he's leaning his cheek on his right hand while trying to read something and his eyes keep closing. She looks at Pam and she's still dozing -- her head would snap up and when she did it this time -- she looked right at her screen.
A cigarette sounds really good right about now.
Karen stops. She doesn't remember saying that to Jim or even thinking it.
"I-I said that?" She said, swallowing hard. "Jim -- last night was baad. It was really bad, and I coudln't handle so much at once. Me saying 'I couldn't do this anymore,' meant to me that I couldn't stand watching myself -- trying to get you to love me."
She looks up at him, with a small smile.
"Guess I tried too hard, huh?"
Jim shook his head.
He paused. This was really confusing now. He didn't know what to do or what to say. Pam had told him not to tell Karen about them if he could help it. They had to keep it discreet. Neither of them wanted to hurt Karen. And Karen sort of had a point, a small one at that.
"This is...confusing." Jim said with a nervous laugh.
Karen smiled a little bit, then sighed.
"Yeah it is."
She cleared her throat and realized she was probably making things much worse. But she wanted to know the truth.
"Knowing won't hurt me Jim you know," She said, laughing a little bit. "The only thing I'm afraid of losing is our friendship."
Jim stared at her quizzically.
He thought he had some idea of what she wanted to know. More importantly, he was almost positive that he knew what it was that Karen wanted him to say. Well, maybe she didn't want him to say it, but Jim thought that she had a pretty good idea of what was coming.
Jim took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "Remember when you asked me if I loved her back?" he was sure that Karen knew he meant Pam. "And I said I didn't know? I-" he paused. "I do. Now."
She had a feeling -- no -- she knew he loved her back. There was no denying that he loved Pam. She didn't blame him. He was honest with her.
"Yeah..." She sighed, then smiled softly. "How come it was so difficult for you to actually say you did love her?"
She touched his arm gently, "Whatever happens -- are we still friends?"
She winced a little bit, afraid of what he would say.
Jim just stood there for a moment. He nodded in answer to her last question. Of course they could still be friends. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Anyway, they had been friends first.
"I didn't tell you before, because I wasn't sure if I still felt- I didn't want to get hurt again. And I didn't want to hurt you. I should have told you about Pam before we came here." he paused "But I didn't think it would mean anything anymore."
She shrugged, it wasn't really a big deal. Yeah, she wishes he told her and she could understand why he wouldn't tell her.
"It's okay, love - has it's ups and downs. Nothing you can do to change that," She swallowed. "I'm sorry for getting so angry."